The reason for never blogging is there was never a catastrophic incident that merited it. When calamity has struck my house the last thing I wanted to do was capture it on paper. I always thought I'd have an "Aha!" moment, a faith-changing epiphany, stuff testimonies are made of. But my story, or testimony, is littered with tragedy and monotony and somewhere in between this very practical real faith was born. More about my story later. I feel guilty though when people I know, or even people far off, go through huge things and experience God in a very tangible, audible way and walk away changed, even radiant. I just barely make it through winter in northeast ohio! Even in the wake of my tragedies, I've just come through it barely tasting the goodness of God, but being all the more sure of Him regardless. It's like that poem when you only see one set of footprints, it's because He was carrying you. it's called "footprints" i'm sure you could google that! Beth Moore in her Bible study Breaking Free shared a poem about those missing footprints too. But hers said they were missing because we chose the wrong path for a while. And really missed some awesome blessings because of it.
So am I missing out on knowing God more intimately because I haven't gone through the valley of the shadow of death myself? Or am I so comfortable in my own path that I don't want to risk pride, image, control, pain to really step in His footsteps and let Him embrace me? Mine is a very real and practical faith: I am a black and white person, very matter-of-fact. I believe Him. I don't only believe IN HIM, but I believe Him: he is good He is right and He has a plan for me and is faithful and just and will bring it to completion.
I'm supposed to get a baseline mamogram before I turn 40. Yay! That's like to determine what is "normal." I also have has ECG's done to determine my baseline heartrate. I want my normal to be a "new normal": a higher plane of understanding and experiencing Christ's love for me. That means a bigger realization of my own sin and therefore my own need for His grace. See, now, that just isn't fun!
So, i guess i don't have survivor's guilt and I'm just not ready to say this life is my baseline. There is so much more and yet I am so content with what He has given me today!
Btw: my eye is fine and the dr apt was totally skippable. told ya! the car at the mechanic, i'm telling ya, the ABS light will NOT come on there! The haircut was good, but not very girly. Kinda militant actually. And the lip rip ended in catastrophy. (yep, there's the catastrophy i asked for! thanks, God!) I'm allergic to aloe, evidently, so my lip looked leprous. Thank you genetics for dark coarse hair. very lovely. who says girls can't have mustache's anyway?
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