What I learned at YL75

What an amazing time at the Young Life All Staff Conference in Orlando 2016! I learned so much, mostly about myself and am overwhelmed with gratitude.
So I get to work now, I mean actually get paid, to do this "job" called Young Life. My role as Staff Spouse (liberal use of capitalization intentional) is my greatest honor and pride and privilege, but saying I'm "back on staff" holds a special place in my heart as well. I have mixed feeling about that privilege mostly around the fact that I have NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING! But that's a post for another day. (perhaps another 3 year writing gap is in order?)

What I learned:
1. Do not let my worship voice be recorded and/or posted in any way shape or form. I can only pray those Instagram posts didn't get "shared" before I deleted them. Yowch! Sorry neighbors!
2. I should write stuff down. I mean if Jen Hatmaker can write and say what she thinks, why can't I? I mean we basically are thinking the same thing, so why not? I am usually afraid of myself usually, so maybe I should just get out of the way and write some junk down.
3. I need to remember how IN LOVE WITH JESUS AND THE BIBLE I was when I first met him. I mean, 17, clueless, hopeless and dauntless. I dove into that little blue and silver Bible and called my leaders (plural, in case one was busy, I would just go on to the next leader on the list) with lots of questions such as:

• I think maybe I shouldn't be drinking. Where does the Bible say that?
• Who is this Satan guy and should I be afraid of him?
• Why do bad things happen to good people?
• what made you believe in Christ in the first place? (ok, they actually said that to me, I have the note, so that makes me wonder how QUICKLY I forgot my first love?!)

These 25 year old notes brought to you by MaryBeth and Chris Reufer, wherever you are!

Denny Rydberg is leaving the mission, which is huge for Andy and I since he started the same year Andy started. Andy learned something else about himself: all the 30+ year veterans are Regional Directors. Makes a person wonder. Flying under the radar is getting harder and harder. 

What we learned from Denny (well, his talk anyway) from Hebrews 12:1-2:

• Remember our great crowd of witnesses. (we have amazing cheerleaders, coaches and fans as well as the home field advantage!)
• Throw off everything that entangles.  (come clean before the Lord.)
• Run with perseverance the race marked out for ME. 
• After Jesus reinstated Peter, Peter turned around and said, "What about that guy?!" Well, what is that to YOU Peter? Run your own race. P.S. What is that now?!
• Fix your eyes on Jesus
• Like having a focal point in labor, find Christ in my own special way. I think that's my QT place by the fireplace! I don't see a Day Away With God anytime in my near future.
• This is not a sprint, not a marathon, it's the IronMan Triathlon and a RELAY at that. So he gave us all batons with this verse as a reminder. I appreciate that since my babysitter for this trip is a relay track star. Thanks for the free gift Denny!

My favorite speakers were sarah Hagerty and Jen Hatmaker.

Here are some notes from Sarah:

Keep in mind, sweet reader that half of my tears were due to my personal tie with Sarah. She was Andy's club kid who introduced us. Well, she recommended us to each other anyway, She and my new co-leader Abby Wheeler, now Anderson, put 2+2 together and thought Andy and I would be a great match. So we looked for each other at the first staff conference and the rest is history. How's that for a story?

Sarah struggled in Campaigners with performance-based faith. She was, as a result, an AMAZING Campaigner kid! I'm not kidding, she and her friends left a legacy that spread far and wide. That senior class of girls ran such a tight ship they didn't even WANT Christy Lewis or Me to come in to "lead" them. That led to it's own list of problems, but lack of motivation was not one of them. 

She went on to lead at Miami, start Lakota West (still going strong) and staff in Va. She burned out, sometime after getting married, when she realized all this racing against God would never end in satisfaction. So she learned to go back to the back porch swing with Jesus and remember those first few starry nights exploring His Word and His love for her as a person. 

"Intimacy with Jesus" this seminar started with Sarah's story and moved into John 12:1 where Mary anoints Jesus' feet.

What I learned:

• Mary gave Jesus EVERYTHING. What am I keeping in reserve for "just in case"?
• This kind of love is impetuous, like an adrenaline rush of first love.
• He enjoys me when I have NOTHING to offer. when I bring NOTHING. (Hello, "little" kid season... where there is no "ministry" to speak of. Hello being clueless at my job. Hello not knowing ANY kids who really need me. Hello failure at leader care and banquet recruitment.
• This kind of love looks wasteful, irresponsible. 
• Jesus is extravagant, he LIKES me, not just loves me in general as in "loves the world"
• He colors outside the lines

Matthew 26:13 Wherever the Gospel is preached, TELL HER STORY.

• Jesus is GOOD, WORTHY AND FOREVER IN LOVE WITH ME.

I want to:

• Fall more in love
• Give more away
• Spend more time along with the Father.

"Lovers will always OUTWORK workers." boom

Jen Hatmaker's talk about Post-Modern Christian culture which redefines our thoughts on how to reach lost kids (and church kids) is outlined in "For The Love" in the "Jesus Kids" chapter.

1 Corinthians 4:15-16, 11:1

Paul says be a father, an example, a mentor. Kids don't need "guardians" they have 100's of "nannies" out there and are getting their information from soundbites and instagram. They WANT someone to follow!

"To lead it, you need to LIVE it!"

"Well done trumps well said!" 

What will impact kids the most? A Faithful Life.

Boom.

Dave Ramsey's session was hilarious and life-altering. I need to read his book and may order his program on-line. He donated the books and basically is donating the program for staff. So he's legit. We are in debt and it's stressing me out and this could take a while. So, this is a story for another day. #cutupcreditcards #ouch

I have nothing to say about Louie Giglio. 

Matt Chandler was night one, which seems like a million years ago. Don't want to forget it...

Romans 8:15-17

Spirit of Slavery:

1. Thinking God loves a better version of myself. i.e. more successful, more fit, more prayerful, etc.
2. We may be putting our hope in validation from others. i.e. family, ministry
3. We may be putting our hope in the word... stuff... stuff has an emotional effect on us. It plays on our brokenness
4. We may be putting our hope in religion/ministry itself. But it's not as good as Jesus. 
5. Spirit of slavery leads to FEAR. But that's NOT the spirit we've been given.

Spirit of Adoption:

"MY Dad is bigger than YOUR dad!" 

verse 16, the Spirit testifies to our spirit. He convinces us that we're children of God.

• by giving us affection for God. This elicits an emotional response in our soul.
• obedience. While imperfect, it's still our desire. He empowers it and enables it...by BREAKING US DOWN AND BUILDING US BACK UP. (ouch)

verse 17, HEIRS

• Heir to an EMPIRE that's beyond imagination
• Creation will be remade, new heaven and new earth (1 Cor 15) Glorious body (wahoo!)
• God's presence... HIMSELF!

verse 17b, Suffering

• let's just skip this part!
• heir to suffering? that sucks!
• James 1:2-4 ESV Don't begrudge the difficult days.
• Whew, that wasn't so bad!

That's it! That's my notes! That and a bunch of videos that required deletion due to incriminating evidence (ugh!). Other highlights:

• Old friends from Dayton (HS), Cinci/Oxford (college), Southview (Toledo), Grove City (PA years), and of course numerous assignments and camp trips. (My favorite is my Miami friends!)
• New friends, our North Coast Region group was SO FUN! We stuck together a ton and really enjoyed each other. We have a lot to be proud of.  Good job, Team!
• More highlights
• Toms sunglasses for everyone
• Disney Hollywood Studios. Rented out just for US! Mickey sang HBD to YL!
• Univeral Studios. Overwhelming and confusing. Much suffering.
• Disney Port Orleans Riverside. We stayed there instead of the Marriott and I would do that again in a hot second. It helps when Lauren McClain drives us everywhere so our precious butts don't have to sit on shuttle busses. Bless.
• Program Hilarity:
• Sloop, Kelsey, Leonard and Will Cox. 
• Saturday Night Live with musical guest LaCrae (amazing, but 90% of staff left)
• #yl75, @yl75celebration and a yl75 app. This is the age of social media. Whoa.
• Lip sync battle between Wiley Scott/Shelly Sadler and Brandon Heath/Drew Holcomb, 
• Bad Cabin time skit with Chilly, Mecum, Chao and way-too-perfect "wrong second-timer" act.

I probably forgot some stuff. I already forgot the ASC2012 stuff (except for SeaWorld and NOT getting TOMS, that was a heart breaker).

But I'm pushed closer to the Lord and feel more affirmed than ever to run MY race with excellence and when I can't do that.... just stay in the race.

Happy 75th Birthday Young Life! 

My plan for sadness

S.A.D. I don't know if I actually have Seasonal Affective Disorder or if it's just DREAD.  But when I see the gray (grey?) sky day after day and know the ominous foreboding sky will not relent for months, I get down.  Down doesn't cover it. It's more like a dark fog that settles on the soul.  I'm a Clevelander now, but a Texan at heart, so it's not in my nature to look forward to snow, cold or total lack of color.  I do better when I have something to look forward to so I make a plan.  Plans plans and more plans so I have a reason to get up in the morning.  The occasional escape of TV, chocolate or best case scenario coffee with a friend gets me through the daily grind. But the thought of a 6 month long stretch of grey fog in front of me hangs in the air like the smell of burnt grilled cheese (a weekly occurrence here).  

The plan for the winter of 2011-2012:  Disney World Resort!  But I already booked it, due to my neurotic overthinking, so I have nothing left to "work" on.  Now it's just sit and wait.  No big Christmas plans because Disney expenses in January call for Christmas on the D.L. in December.  I'll just keep looking up pictures of sunshine and Mickey to get me through.

You know this pattern is a problem when the DREAD starts setting in at the end of August. That's when Summer ends:  no more Bay Pool (daily ritual in summer), picnics, opened windows and doors, fresh air in general. Fall here is beautiful beyond description but it's hard to enjoy it when you know the bitter bite of frost is just a sunset away.  The first frost was this morning (November 11) which is actually a late one.  I was eternally grateful to the Weatherman for 70 degrees and sunny on my birthday the 8th.  God is merciful and knows me and knew just what I needed. You would think I wouldn't complain two days later, but alas, here we are.

All this to say, we have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity coming up this winter and I AM truly looking forward to it.  We don't make big expenditures and do NOT take expensive vacations but we're biting the bullet on this one. The kids are the PERFECT age (10,7,5) and we saved ALL of our credit card points to cover air fare for them.  I found what I hope is the best Disney package for us and with Grandma pitching in and flying with the girls, I think we have a frugal yet extra special trip in store. We really are breaking open the piggy bank, but our plans are quite conservative.  We're tacking the family vaca on the end of the YL ASC 2012.  I'm hoping to score bonus park tickets/gift cards/perks from the conference to use during our family's stay.  Right now I'm only reserving 2 park days and the medium-level meal pass.  I'm under planning in hopes of receiving extra blessings later. I feel like if I splurge now we won't "need" God for anything.  As it stands, it's a fun trip with tons of potential!

I want to mention what I learned from Bible Study this semester.  Well, #1 is Don't Do 4 Bible Studies at the Same Time. That was just ridiculous.  But Beth Moore spoke to me, once again, more than anything about enjoying God's presence as my great inheritance.  The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places, indeed I have a beautiful inheritance.  Usually, you have to lose someone to gain their inheritance, but with God we get both!  In fact, His presence IS my inheritance.  I'm hoping to gain joy in this perspective as I try to live it out this winter.  Not to let SAD, the weather, the lack of color or Cleveland in general get me down, but to actually enjoy a season of just basking in His presence. I've been giving out of emptiness for a long time and I long for Him to fill me up.

So, here's to winter.  God is good all the time and every good thing comes from Him and nothing comes from Him that is not good.  Do I believe that God is a giver, not a taker and that He treasures me more than all creation?  He is my portion and is sufficient for me.  He is my color, my warmth and my sunshine.  That and probably need some more Vitamin D.

Da Beach!

Well, so far I stink at updating this blog.  Good thing no one's reading it!  But I don't want to forget our week at the beach.
I planned this trip (starting in September) to get through the very depressing grayness of Cleveland winter.  Yes, I start worrying about that in September!  Now it's May and I'm using this remembrance as a coping mechanism on yet another gray windy, rainy Cleveland day.  Living by Lake Erie is a double edged sword: summer and fall are warm and wonderful but spring stinks because the lake keeps us colder longer. Anyway, today is one of those days.  Westlake, 1 mile south is probably 10 degrees warmer! Crazy!

I'll make this brief and skip the drama of trying to find a family to go with us and our decision to go crazy and stay for a whole week instead of being cheap and responsible and only stay for 4 nights.  In hindsight, we wished we'd booked for 2 weeks instead! Next year!

We left Good Friday after the ecumenical service Andy performs with the Bay ministerial.  He acts like it's an obligation, but secretly he loves it!  So at 3:00 p.m. (what's the point in having the day off of school when you leave that late, I do not know!) we piled in the overstuffed van and headed south.  At 8:00-ish we were in Cinci and stopped at our dear friends', the Putnicks, house coincidentally during Casey's 5th birthday party!  Bonus! Got to see many dear friends! All of which have ties to Port St. Joe, FL.  A fitting time for this reunion.  I need more Cinci time, it was NOT enough!  Took a cute pic of all our kids together, Putnick, Hoblitzell and Reid kids in order of height.  Summer was ticked because slowly she is figuring out that she is growing at a much slower rate than other people her age. I don't know the cause yet.

When we actually arrived at the beach we were just overcome with gratitude. All the planning, waiting, fearing that something would interrupt the plan.  But it really is happening and it's better than we imagined! The house is huge and seriously right on the beach! The interior was even better!  That never happens! But Port St Joe is this little-known corner of the world so they have great rental rates and the people there are really proud of their community so everything really is that nice!

The house is actually on Cape San Blas which is like a peninsula that faces north off the coast. (in the panhandle of FL) St. Joe State Park sits at the end of the Cape and is where the aforementioned college friends and I used to go camping.  Amazing sugar white sand beaches with no one around.

Day 2 was Easter so we painted eggs our first night there.  Easter morning each kid found lots of plastic eggs with candy and money.  Then they proceeded to spend that money at the Trading Post conveniently located at the end of our drive. I think the independence that allowed the kids was one of their favorite parts of the week. "I'm going to the store, mom!" Crazy grown up fun!

We got plenty of sun on our first day, mainly I blame the crappy spray sunscreen.  It only lasted a day and it totally did not work on my kids.  I'm always afraid they'll get cancer later in life because of that one sunburn they got when they were 7!  No complaints however!  The weather was beach-worthy every day. Some days were quite windy: inside outing umbrellas, blowing away kites and inner tubes,  nice big waves, generally adding to the adventure but never keeping us indoors.  There were tornados in Alabama and power outages in Ohio, but we were oblivious!  The biggest storm really just made this cool situation on the beach:  quick sand!  "All other ground is sinking sand" kept running through my mind.  Now I know what that means!

We went shopping and to lunch in Port St Joe on our last day.  There is a nice new play area right on the Bay and a cool fishing gazebo place where we hunted for big crabs and took pictures.  I am ever on the hunt for the Christmas card picture, so the girls were dressed in new matching dresses and posing for me every step of the way. I'm lucky no one killed me because I really didn't even get the perfect picture.  I got it back on the beach when they were relaxed and having fun. Imagine that!

Our friends-for-life-once-you've-lived-together are the Lambies: Becky, Jason, Zach, Jake, Mikayla, and Jessie.  They really were all happy but with 7 kids it's impossible to get them all smiling at once!

So, what did I learn?  I learned through "Don't Waste Your Life" by John Piper that our joyful living actually glorifies God and magnifies his goodness to the world.  And through reading Dietrich Bonhoeffer's biography by Metaxus (sp?) that religion is worthless without Christ.  That standing up for God sometimes means going against the grain. That you can be joyful in all circumstances and that living in community means focusing on Christ, Scriptures, and prayer.  God wants us to desire the good things in life even though this life is passing away. It's not a waste of time, we live in this world because He created it and it is good. It's not just a waiting period before we get to the real life with Him.  Gross oversimplification of that book.  I'm not done with it yet.

I learned that our family needs this grown up time, just us, where we make decisions based on the good of our relationships, not just based on what someone else wants us to do. I got to see my husband genuinely glad. Doing what he desires, playing, laughing, having fun and truly relaxed.  We could've used a second week and it was kind of painful to leave.  My heart aches for that place again, geographically and mentally.

I'm 37 and I'm still learning to separate my life from our families'.  My parents are playing a smaller and smaller part in my life, which is painful but necessary.  Pleasing them and converting them are becoming a smaller part of my thinking.  I miss them. But they don't want to be a big part of my life so I have to accept that.  They've heard the Truth that would set them free but they choose bondage. I guess in some way I accept that, but I'm glad Jesus doesn't.  He pursues them relentlessly.  They are precious to Him and He's calling them Home.  I hope to meet them there someday.  My hope remains.
I think Andy is learning to separate his desires from his parents. I know his dad is gone, but his desires still weigh heavily on everyone in his family.  It's tough living with that "ghost" and that of his Grandmother.  Guilt weighs heavily on him, his sister and mom, even about decisions about vacation.  Which plays a part in planning our next excursion: Disney World.  There is a fine line between keeping memories alive and living by presumed expectations.  I hope when I'm gone my kids are free from guessing what I'd want them to do.  God's will, that all!  Obedience and submission to Him, not me!

Side note over!  We made the most of our trip and even left a good impression!

We will go back if not in 2012 then soon thereafter.  I don't know if you can duplicate this kind of trip but it's going to be fun trying!

Spring Break/Summer Extravaganza

We had such an amazing week and I don't want to forget any of it!
Spring Break was dedicated to Summer's seventh birthday (saythat7timesfast!)  Tuesday we got a personalized tour of the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo from Andy's friend from Bible study, Vern.  He took us around in a golf cart, he had a "magic jacket" that had pockets with little hidden surprises.  First, he gave the girls all zoo keys which are these little cards you stick into red boxes throughout the zoo for a recorded message.  They cost $4 so I never buy them.  I never buy them anything at the zoo!  Then we went to Rhino house.  We got to go inside to visit the keeper and pet and feed the rhinos.  The baby, Jojo, and his momma were so nice, there are 3 other females and one bull. The  male "bull" loved Andy and let him scratch his ears for like 10 minutes, relaxing, leaning against the bars, closing his eyes.  Andy was in love and melted just like he does with cool dogs.  we were a little nervous the rhino would like it "too much" but he didn't. The baby was so playful and cute and loved the treats that each of us got to feed it.  So cute! Who knew Rhinos could be cute?  Their horns are actually made of hair, and their skin is very sensitive, even though it's so thick. They were surprisingly clean and made the most unusual squeaky noises.  The opposite of what one would expect from an animal weighing several hundred pounds... at birth!!

Then we drove next door to the Steffe Hospital which is usually a kind of unexciting exhibit.  But it's always a welcome stop on any trip to the zoo because it's clean, new and air conditioned.  They have displays of what the animals eat and their vet care. Not very exciting right?  Well, this time they were performing surgery on a Grizzly bear!  The full viewing window into the OR and video monitors let us see the whole thing!  This 700 pound behemoth lay splayed on his back on the table, claws in the air, mouth full of tubes.  Again a surprising display from such a foreboding creature.  This was a fascinating lesson in modern technology, a reality check about the healthcare of the animals, and a feel-good experience!  UNTIL... the bear died two days later!  I saw it in the newspaper and was horrified! The kids will never know if I have anything to say about it, but I am traumatized!  Talk about the harsh realities of life! Jeesh!  By the way, the surgery was a vasectomy to remove pre-cancerous cells, and he died later from complications. One has to question the wisdom of the surgery so near the end of the bear's life expectancy. He probably would've preferred the cancer!  R.I.P. Warren!

Finally, we visited the giraffes.  Travis, the male was very playful and friendly.  He stuck his head and neck right through his door and down into the hallway.  We fed all of the giraffes from the top deck as they stick their necks out of the cages at the top.  Their tongues are like 3 feet long and black.  They wrap them around the treats or hay and grab it.  Travis tried to eat my flower from my coat.  I loved it! They love visitors and my girls were so excited.  However, I think thoughout this experience Andy and I were more excited than the girls. Next time they're stuck behind a plate glass window, they'll appreciate the day they got to pet the giraffes and rhinos.

There was more but those were the highlights.  Amanda repeated what she heard me say 100 times: "we got to go somewhere no one ever gets to go!"

Wednesday was fun for me to cook at the Village Food Project kitchen.  Doing contact work with Bay girls was the original intended purpose for me, and that has been achieved I think.  But I'm also learning a lot of cooking tips and bonding with some BPC folks that I need to develop relationships with. It's a long day, but so far it is definitely worth it.  I like to get out and do something for and by myself sometimes.  I hope I don't get in over my head with it.  I'll have to keep that in check.

Thursday we had a few little friends over to play. That night we visited the Yunds at their house in North Olmsted. We lived with Brad and Darlene when we moved to Cleveland 7 1/2 years ago, strangers at first, and then lifelong friends, now with Grandparent status. We don't spend enough time together now, but when we do, it's as if no time has passed.

Friday we took Summer to meet Grandma for her annual birthday sleepover.  She was exhausted and we didn't know if she could pull through. But in traditional Summer fashion, she pulled herself up by her bootstraps and made the most of it.  Something I have come to appreciate about Summer is her ability to pull herself together and "stuff" her emotions when necessary. Now I know this can become a bad thing if one never expresses their true feelings. But I can't help but think this is a sign of maturity and self-control. She can stop a tantrum in the middle, wipe her tears, and smile through a tough circumstance. That has to be a good thing!  She had several times this week with all it's craziness where she had to lay aside her whelming emotion/frustration and just move on and make the most of something. (i.e. when i said "no" to two things at her party, tantrums ensued, and could've potholed the whole party, but didn't.)
So I really appreciate Summer's strength. She is and has always been, a very special person.

Saturday, we had her birthday party.  From 3:00-5:00 the girls crafted, smacked the pinata, and danced the night away.  Just Dance II was the hit of the ball as all the girls, with or without a controller, followed the goofy characters on this Wii game.  They were shockingly skilled at it!  And, of course, 7 years olds don't have inhibitions, so that helps!

My parents came in town just in time for the party and left Sunday afternoon after Summer's traditional birthday lunch at Red Robin.  That place is perfect for our family because my parents aren't afraid to start a meal with a milkshake!  Their visit was too short and I find myself a little embarrassed to admit that, at 37 years old, I covet the attention of my mommy and daddy and don't understand why they don't want to be around me more. I think smoking comes between us, which is my fault for not being tolerant, and their fault for prioritizing a debilitating habit over a relationship with their kid/grandkids.  They brought  a dresser of Tutu's for Amanda. They always bring something fabulous!  Including some surprisingly lovely clothes for me!  Next week Dad will come back to drop off a new doghouse for Lucy.  I wonder if he'll stay for a while.  I feel like the projects he does for us bond us together.

Throughout the duration of the week I repainted Summer's bedroom. She wanted pink.  One who really knows me knows how hard this was for me to stomach. I have gone from the anti-pink to painting Pepto Bismol onto my home's walls.  I have succumbed to the cultural stereotypes of femininty.  We used to have "Navy vs Pink wars" in college with the theory that some people, not necessarily girls, resemble the color pink in their personality and some resemble navy blue.  I am close friends with both types, and appreciate the characteristics of both, but most resemble the less sensitive, more practical side of Navy.  I've kind of been programmed in life to devalue the sensitive feminine types and the actual color PINK.  But in the last 10 years, pink has become quite popular and because of that, and of course, the birth of three pink-loving girls, I have slowly been broken down.  This is it, I've hit rock bottom of the pink spectrum.  I am a full-fledged pink girl now.  I might just start weeping and cooing over Hallmark commercials now. Oh wait, I've always done that!

Gotta go for now!  Don't want Andy to catch me writing a blog!  

change-of-plans

Too cold to run in my first 5-K and I won't have a Libby shirt by tomorrow, so I'm procrastinating this one!  I'm very good at procrastinating!  I promise I'll find a better race to make my first.  It hurts to run in the cold, I don't know how people do it.  But the treadmill at the gym might have been worse, it's soOOOO hot!  I'm just never happy, huh?

Met a new friend this week who is an amazing woman of God!  Oh, the fingerprints of Jesus are ALL over this girl!  But it's amazing how someone so gifted, confident, and sure of herself and Christ in her life, can be unsure in relationships with me.  Well, of course you deserve an amazing man of God who will lead you spiritually and be as dedicated to Christ if not more! do NOT settle! NEVER settle!  I wish there was an Andy for every woman out there.  doesn't it seem like Godly women outnumber Godly men like 2-to-1?  Why is that?  I agree with churches who MAKE men lead by not letting women lead.  Let's face it, if you let us, we women will just take everything over because it's just easier to do things yourself sometimes.  Maybe that's just me because I have control issues!

Lots of little stuff is going on right now but nothing interesting:  YL Banquet, Summer's birthday party, repainting summer's room for her birthday present, my parents will most likely stride into town for a couple days (that always leads to some interesting convo!), we get a personalized tour of the zoo on Tuesday, the kids are on spring break next week.  All good stuff. Maybe I'll be inspired.

Survivors Guilt or Just a Baseline?

The reason for never blogging is there was never a catastrophic incident that merited it.  When calamity has struck my house the last thing I wanted to do was capture it on paper.  I always thought I'd have an "Aha!" moment, a faith-changing epiphany, stuff testimonies are made of.  But my story, or testimony, is littered with tragedy and monotony and somewhere in between this very practical real faith was born.  More about my story later.  I feel guilty though when people I know, or even people far off, go through huge things and experience God in a very tangible, audible way and walk away changed, even radiant.  I just barely make it through winter in northeast ohio!  Even in the wake of my tragedies, I've just come through it barely tasting the goodness of God, but being all the more sure of Him regardless.  It's like that poem when you only see one set of footprints, it's because He was carrying you. it's called "footprints" i'm sure you could google that!  Beth Moore in her Bible study Breaking Free shared a poem about those missing footprints too. But hers said they were missing because we chose the wrong path for a while.  And really missed some awesome blessings because of it.
So am I missing out on knowing God more intimately because I haven't gone through the valley of the shadow of death myself? Or am I so comfortable in my own path that I don't want to risk pride, image, control, pain to really step in His footsteps and let Him embrace me?  Mine is a very real and practical faith:  I am a black and white person, very matter-of-fact.  I believe Him.  I don't only believe IN HIM, but I believe Him: he is good He is right and He has a plan for me and is faithful and just and will bring it to completion.
I'm supposed to get a baseline mamogram before I turn 40. Yay!  That's like to determine what is "normal."  I also have has ECG's done to determine my baseline heartrate.  I want my normal to be a "new normal":  a higher plane of understanding and experiencing Christ's love for me.  That means a bigger realization of my own sin and therefore my own need for His grace.  See, now, that just isn't fun!

So, i guess i don't have survivor's guilt and I'm just not ready to say this life is my baseline.  There is so much more and yet I am so content with what He has given me today!

Btw:  my eye is fine and the dr apt was totally skippable. told ya! the car at the mechanic, i'm telling ya, the ABS light will NOT come on there!  The haircut was good, but not very girly. Kinda militant actually.  And the lip rip ended in catastrophy. (yep, there's the catastrophy i asked for! thanks, God!)  I'm allergic to aloe, evidently, so my lip looked leprous.  Thank you genetics for dark coarse hair. very lovely. who says girls can't have mustache's anyway?

First-Time Blogger. Long-Time Procrastinator

Here's hoping no one finds out I'm blogging.  I'm starting this in hopes that my brain will begin to function on an adult level again.  I've always, always thought I'd be a good writer.  But I've never written anything.  Hey, you can't fail if you never try! And if no one ever finds out you tried, well, that works too!

My inspiration is Libby Ryder. Or should I say libby ryder.  I think I'm a fan of the "no caps, no punctuation" theory.  Set the grammatical bar low, you're sure to hit it!  Honestly, it's her plight against cancer that inspires me the most, of course.  But it's her ability to articulate her thoughts during it, capturing the hearts of thousands, including me, that inspires me to pick up this proverbial pen.


Daily turmoil is the stuff blogs are made of.  Today I type with one eye closed. Literally. I think I have something in my eye, a fleck of dust, a bit of down (comforter), a piece of lint? idk, but I made an eye dr. apt, trying to tackle the problem head-on (instead of the aforementioned procrastination approach), which will guarantee the problem will heal itself around the time I pay the co-pay.  That's just life. My life anyway.  If I tackle a problem head-on it ends up being nothing (i.e. a car at the mechanic no longer makes a "funny noise.")  If I procrastinate and take the wait-and-see approach, it will inevitably balloon to astronomical proportions (i.e. 4 year old's fever on friday turns into a weekend-long fever-fest ending in a round of antibiotics and lethargic sinus-infection-laden baby girl).  I can never quite call it right the first time. It's 6 days later and she's laid up on the couch as we speak.  poor thing, I'm so sorry.

The highlight of my day? squeezing in a rare treat of getting my hair cut, oh! and wax! In the interest of full disclosure. It's a splurge, but necessary.  I get to feel like a girl for about an hour before I head off to the gym.

That brings me to my latest exploit:  the gym.  I, a self-declared "non-runner", am attempting my first 5-K. It's pathetic compared to real runners who run 5-K's before breakfast.  But I'm 37 and running for the first time in my life. Btw this is my New Year's resolution from 2010.  There is no actual evidence yet that I am physically capable of running this distance, much less competing for it.  I am literally "training" for a 3.2 mile jog.  This is not something I want to announce to the world.  BUT I would like to raise money for Libby Ryder and her cancer expenses.  as soon as I figure out how to post links, I will do so for her blog as well as a link to donate to Team Libby. I'm ten years older, and 1,000 miles away, but feel strangely connected to this woman.   Creeping on someone's diary for 8 months will do that to you!  So, hopefully I can achieve my two-part goal:  1) Run a 5-K without stopping or dying and 2) raise some money for my little friend in VA.

OK, let's see where this goes... It's time for girly time!