Friday, March 25, 2011

change-of-plans

Too cold to run in my first 5-K and I won't have a Libby shirt by tomorrow, so I'm procrastinating this one!  I'm very good at procrastinating!  I promise I'll find a better race to make my first.  It hurts to run in the cold, I don't know how people do it.  But the treadmill at the gym might have been worse, it's soOOOO hot!  I'm just never happy, huh?

Met a new friend this week who is an amazing woman of God!  Oh, the fingerprints of Jesus are ALL over this girl!  But it's amazing how someone so gifted, confident, and sure of herself and Christ in her life, can be unsure in relationships with me.  Well, of course you deserve an amazing man of God who will lead you spiritually and be as dedicated to Christ if not more! do NOT settle! NEVER settle!  I wish there was an Andy for every woman out there.  doesn't it seem like Godly women outnumber Godly men like 2-to-1?  Why is that?  I agree with churches who MAKE men lead by not letting women lead.  Let's face it, if you let us, we women will just take everything over because it's just easier to do things yourself sometimes.  Maybe that's just me because I have control issues!

Lots of little stuff is going on right now but nothing interesting:  YL Banquet, Summer's birthday party, repainting summer's room for her birthday present, my parents will most likely stride into town for a couple days (that always leads to some interesting convo!), we get a personalized tour of the zoo on Tuesday, the kids are on spring break next week.  All good stuff. Maybe I'll be inspired.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Survivors Guilt or Just a Baseline?

The reason for never blogging is there was never a catastrophic incident that merited it.  When calamity has struck my house the last thing I wanted to do was capture it on paper.  I always thought I'd have an "Aha!" moment, a faith-changing epiphany, stuff testimonies are made of.  But my story, or testimony, is littered with tragedy and monotony and somewhere in between this very practical real faith was born.  More about my story later.  I feel guilty though when people I know, or even people far off, go through huge things and experience God in a very tangible, audible way and walk away changed, even radiant.  I just barely make it through winter in northeast ohio!  Even in the wake of my tragedies, I've just come through it barely tasting the goodness of God, but being all the more sure of Him regardless.  It's like that poem when you only see one set of footprints, it's because He was carrying you. it's called "footprints" i'm sure you could google that!  Beth Moore in her Bible study Breaking Free shared a poem about those missing footprints too. But hers said they were missing because we chose the wrong path for a while.  And really missed some awesome blessings because of it.
So am I missing out on knowing God more intimately because I haven't gone through the valley of the shadow of death myself? Or am I so comfortable in my own path that I don't want to risk pride, image, control, pain to really step in His footsteps and let Him embrace me?  Mine is a very real and practical faith:  I am a black and white person, very matter-of-fact.  I believe Him.  I don't only believe IN HIM, but I believe Him: he is good He is right and He has a plan for me and is faithful and just and will bring it to completion.
I'm supposed to get a baseline mamogram before I turn 40. Yay!  That's like to determine what is "normal."  I also have has ECG's done to determine my baseline heartrate.  I want my normal to be a "new normal":  a higher plane of understanding and experiencing Christ's love for me.  That means a bigger realization of my own sin and therefore my own need for His grace.  See, now, that just isn't fun!

So, i guess i don't have survivor's guilt and I'm just not ready to say this life is my baseline.  There is so much more and yet I am so content with what He has given me today!

Btw:  my eye is fine and the dr apt was totally skippable. told ya! the car at the mechanic, i'm telling ya, the ABS light will NOT come on there!  The haircut was good, but not very girly. Kinda militant actually.  And the lip rip ended in catastrophy. (yep, there's the catastrophy i asked for! thanks, God!)  I'm allergic to aloe, evidently, so my lip looked leprous.  Thank you genetics for dark coarse hair. very lovely. who says girls can't have mustache's anyway?

First-Time Blogger. Long-Time Procrastinator

Here's hoping no one finds out I'm blogging.  I'm starting this in hopes that my brain will begin to function on an adult level again.  I've always, always thought I'd be a good writer.  But I've never written anything.  Hey, you can't fail if you never try! And if no one ever finds out you tried, well, that works too!

My inspiration is Libby Ryder. Or should I say libby ryder.  I think I'm a fan of the "no caps, no punctuation" theory.  Set the grammatical bar low, you're sure to hit it!  Honestly, it's her plight against cancer that inspires me the most, of course.  But it's her ability to articulate her thoughts during it, capturing the hearts of thousands, including me, that inspires me to pick up this proverbial pen.


Daily turmoil is the stuff blogs are made of.  Today I type with one eye closed. Literally. I think I have something in my eye, a fleck of dust, a bit of down (comforter), a piece of lint? idk, but I made an eye dr. apt, trying to tackle the problem head-on (instead of the aforementioned procrastination approach), which will guarantee the problem will heal itself around the time I pay the co-pay.  That's just life. My life anyway.  If I tackle a problem head-on it ends up being nothing (i.e. a car at the mechanic no longer makes a "funny noise.")  If I procrastinate and take the wait-and-see approach, it will inevitably balloon to astronomical proportions (i.e. 4 year old's fever on friday turns into a weekend-long fever-fest ending in a round of antibiotics and lethargic sinus-infection-laden baby girl).  I can never quite call it right the first time. It's 6 days later and she's laid up on the couch as we speak.  poor thing, I'm so sorry.

The highlight of my day? squeezing in a rare treat of getting my hair cut, oh! and wax! In the interest of full disclosure. It's a splurge, but necessary.  I get to feel like a girl for about an hour before I head off to the gym.

That brings me to my latest exploit:  the gym.  I, a self-declared "non-runner", am attempting my first 5-K. It's pathetic compared to real runners who run 5-K's before breakfast.  But I'm 37 and running for the first time in my life. Btw this is my New Year's resolution from 2010.  There is no actual evidence yet that I am physically capable of running this distance, much less competing for it.  I am literally "training" for a 3.2 mile jog.  This is not something I want to announce to the world.  BUT I would like to raise money for Libby Ryder and her cancer expenses.  as soon as I figure out how to post links, I will do so for her blog as well as a link to donate to Team Libby. I'm ten years older, and 1,000 miles away, but feel strangely connected to this woman.   Creeping on someone's diary for 8 months will do that to you!  So, hopefully I can achieve my two-part goal:  1) Run a 5-K without stopping or dying and 2) raise some money for my little friend in VA.

OK, let's see where this goes... It's time for girly time!