S.A.D. I don't know if I actually have Seasonal Affective Disorder or if it's just DREAD. But when I see the gray (grey?) sky day after day and know the ominous foreboding sky will not relent for months, I get down. Down doesn't cover it. It's more like a dark fog that settles on the soul. I'm a Clevelander now, but a Texan at heart, so it's not in my nature to look forward to snow, cold or total lack of color. I do better when I have something to look forward to so I make a plan. Plans plans and more plans so I have a reason to get up in the morning. The occasional escape of TV, chocolate or best case scenario coffee with a friend gets me through the daily grind. But the thought of a 6 month long stretch of grey fog in front of me hangs in the air like the smell of burnt grilled cheese (a weekly occurrence here).
The plan for the winter of 2011-2012: Disney World Resort! But I already booked it, due to my neurotic overthinking, so I have nothing left to "work" on. Now it's just sit and wait. No big Christmas plans because Disney expenses in January call for Christmas on the D.L. in December. I'll just keep looking up pictures of sunshine and Mickey to get me through.
You know this pattern is a problem when the DREAD starts setting in at the end of August. That's when Summer ends: no more Bay Pool (daily ritual in summer), picnics, opened windows and doors, fresh air in general. Fall here is beautiful beyond description but it's hard to enjoy it when you know the bitter bite of frost is just a sunset away. The first frost was this morning (November 11) which is actually a late one. I was eternally grateful to the Weatherman for 70 degrees and sunny on my birthday the 8th. God is merciful and knows me and knew just what I needed. You would think I wouldn't complain two days later, but alas, here we are.
All this to say, we have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity coming up this winter and I AM truly looking forward to it. We don't make big expenditures and do NOT take expensive vacations but we're biting the bullet on this one. The kids are the PERFECT age (10,7,5) and we saved ALL of our credit card points to cover air fare for them. I found what I hope is the best Disney package for us and with Grandma pitching in and flying with the girls, I think we have a frugal yet extra special trip in store. We really are breaking open the piggy bank, but our plans are quite conservative. We're tacking the family vaca on the end of the YL ASC 2012. I'm hoping to score bonus park tickets/gift cards/perks from the conference to use during our family's stay. Right now I'm only reserving 2 park days and the medium-level meal pass. I'm under planning in hopes of receiving extra blessings later. I feel like if I splurge now we won't "need" God for anything. As it stands, it's a fun trip with tons of potential!
I want to mention what I learned from Bible Study this semester. Well, #1 is Don't Do 4 Bible Studies at the Same Time. That was just ridiculous. But Beth Moore spoke to me, once again, more than anything about enjoying God's presence as my great inheritance. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places, indeed I have a beautiful inheritance. Usually, you have to lose someone to gain their inheritance, but with God we get both! In fact, His presence IS my inheritance. I'm hoping to gain joy in this perspective as I try to live it out this winter. Not to let SAD, the weather, the lack of color or Cleveland in general get me down, but to actually enjoy a season of just basking in His presence. I've been giving out of emptiness for a long time and I long for Him to fill me up.
So, here's to winter. God is good all the time and every good thing comes from Him and nothing comes from Him that is not good. Do I believe that God is a giver, not a taker and that He treasures me more than all creation? He is my portion and is sufficient for me. He is my color, my warmth and my sunshine. That and probably need some more Vitamin D.
